Doing well

So far so good! I think I can confirm that my bad urge episode was due to mascara. I have not had 1 single urge since then and it is great to have some “normalcy” in my life… a new normal. A world of no urges at all is definitely my preference.

So now I’m focusing on other goals to make myself a better person. Starting Monday I am going to challenge myself to 8 weeks if no bread or sugar. I have already started a blog here on WordPress called ChubBeGone so check me out and help me along the way!!

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6 Weeks

I think my brain knows when I hit a milestone. A lash on my right eye is KILLING ME right now. Pure torture. Today marks 6 weeks and the past hour has been filled with temptation. So I’m blogging to encourage myself to stay strong. I’m going to call the lash that’s bothering right now ‘Leroy’. My right eye is my true weakness. Once I start it is absolutely uncontrollable and I will keep pulling until I am completely bare

That image is what has helped me to just not even start. You know when you first pull, it’s extra noticeable. The spot is red and just stands out like a sore thumb. Ugh I just do not want to walk around like that anymore. I’m so sick of it. Still tempted but sick of it nonetheless. So… I will be strong. I will leave little Leroy alone so that he can survive to see another day

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!

Face Facts

So this week my hubby has been out of town. Like every other Trichsters, I usually keep my brows filled and eyeliner on. But this week I have walked around with a completely bare face. I have only been pull free for 5 weeks so no miraculous hair growth has occurred of course. It was good for me to look myself in the face for days at a time and realize what I’ve been doing to myself. It will take sometime to completely heal and grow the hair back on my brows and lashes and I accept that. My birthday is coming up in July and if I could have enough hair to get my eyebrows arched for the first time, that would be so awesome. It is something I have always wanted to do but never have the opportunity. Now I can make my makeup flawless and look like I just got them done. It’s so awkward when I even get compliments in them and people ask me where I get them done. But I’m ready for the real thing. I am certainly praying for my hair growth

14 days Eh?

Whoever said it takes 14 days to break a habit needs to do a clinical trial. This weekend was extreeeeemely hard for me. My urges were just all over the place. I touched and I touched but I am so grateful that I did not tug. I actually fought through my urges and I am actually super surprised!! And even more grateful. Man. There is truly no secret at all. Just don’t do it is the only ugly answer. For me the only thing that has helped is blogging. Knowing that other trichsters read my posts give me a rare strength that I’ve never had. The disappointment that I would feel writing a post that I had gotten weak is just not something that I want to do so… I don’t! But I’m not going to act like it’s not the purest form of torture. This is the first post that I’ve written with tears coming down my face. I hate how hard that this is. I hate how complicated it is. I hate how weak I feel. I hate how I’ve allowed this to take over my life for so long. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how it makes me look. I hate how embarrassing it is. I hate that I feel like it’s so much stronger than me. I hate how many tears it’s caused me to shed over the years. So much guilt, agony, time wasted, cover up techniques have been wasted on this and I absolutely hate it. This is why I’m trying to take control over my life and truly get control over my body. I do this to Myself. This is my issue and my issue only to defeat and I am determined

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!

He’s Back!!

So good news, bad news, and more good news

Good news: I made 4 weeks Pull Free!!!
Bad news: Peter came back
Good news: I resisted and he is still alive (OK maybe that’s mixed news)

Peter is a lash that I named in an effort to not pick him even though he bothered me VERY much. I resisted the urge, forgot about him, but yesterday realized that he was still a sore spot. Yes the very exact lash. Ugh!!!
I definitely definitely definitely almost gave in a pulled him for relief, but instead I just kept repeating “Impulse Control” in my head. Impulse Control Impulse Control. Be strong! Think about how proud you will be tomorrow!!
It was hard as heck but it was worth the pat on my back that I can give myself today

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!

Looking back at my old blog posts, I went 5 months partially pull free. I say partially because though my lashes grew back in full and long, I would still pull here and there. I almost did it last night but my desire to go 4 weeks pull free is what kept me strong. I am only 2 days shy of 4 weeks and I just couldn’t bear starting my countdown all over again

What I will do differently this time vs last time is truly hold myself accountable. My problem areas are my brows and lashes. In the past if I only picked 1 or a very few hairs, I’d still give myself credit for being great. But this time, the very 1st time I pick a lash or brow, I’m starting my count all over. Hopefully that will motivate me as my number of days continue to grow. I’m very proud of myself but I know this is only the beginning. There are 52 weeks in a year and I’m only almost to 4 so I have quite the journey ahead of me… but that’s not!

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!

3 Weeks Pull Free!!!

3 Weeks Pull Free!!!… That is all. I think I will treat myself when I reach 4 full weeks… with ice cream! 😊😋

Auto Immune

I see so many theories on Trichotillomania and I’m honestly not sure what to believe it is. I personally have always thought it was an auto immune disease. I thought of this one day when someone asked me “If you don’t want to do it and no one is making you do it and no one is doing it to you…. then what makes you do it?” Lmbo! The question was hilarious to me because it really does sound silly to complain about picking your own eye lashes out of your own face. But heck, Idk! The obvious answer is Myself makes myself do it, so I guess it’s me attacking myself… which makes it an auto immune disease! Sure let’s go with that. Lol

The problem with that is it made me super lazy and accepting of the condition and I completely lost control because I was too focused on giving myself an excuse. Well whatever it is, it’s got to go

I always see people talk about their triggers but I honestly can’t single put any of mine. Some mornings I will wash my face and when I was my eyes I’ll feel a sore lash and that starts it. Sometimes 1 lash is curled downward incorrectly and that’ll start it. Sometimes, when I haven’t done it in a while, I’ll just touch my eye to see if I have any sore spots that need to be picked because I miss the feeling. It’s a very strange addiction I must say. The belief is that you can break any habit in 14 days. Pfft. If you are a picker you know that saying can be laughed at. Lol!

But whether it is a bad habit, an addiction, OCD, Auto immune, whatever you’d like to call it, I’m done with it. Good bye, Trich!

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!!

He made it!

Well I made it through the night and Peter is still here! But he is definitely still a menace. For some reason I’m more worried about staying strong than I am proud of myself for making it through the night. But I accept the challenge. I’d like Peter to make it yet another day and night without being messed with. The best thing I can do for myself right now is just not look, touch, or even think about my eye today. No mirrors, no touching, no nothing. Out of sight, out if mind is the name of the game today. Wish me luck!

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!

Peter

So I once heard that a technique to help with picking is to name the hair that you have an issue with. So there is this mofo named Peter that is really getting on my fkn nerves right now. Yes, I have to use bad words for Peter because he is being VERY mean to me right now. It’s like he’s taunting me. He is on my right eye, closest to the nose and he just won’t do right. He’s laying over all of his friends, won’t sit up right and is irritating tf out of me right now. But I’m going to try to think of Peter as a coworker that I hate. No matter how much he is irking my nerves, there’s nothing that I can do about it and I still have to face him tomorrow. The key is making sure that he is still here tomorrow to face him. This is a HUUUUUUUUUGE challenge. Ugh. Why do urges hurt so good?!!! I know how great it’d feel to just get rid of Peter once and for all, but…. Peter deserves a long life just like anyone else. It’s certainly not helping that I keep touching Peter, which is why I’m writing so vigorously right now. Impulse Control. Impulse Control. IMPULSE CONTROL!!!!!!

Please pray for Peter that he is still here in the morning. If I achieve this task, I will complete 2 whole weeks of no picking. Just realizing that made me a little bit stronger. I can do this!!!

Leave me alone, Peter!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!!