Hard Day

Yesterday. Was. AWFUL!!!! Omg the horror. Lol. I’m talking urge after urge after urge and it was pure torture!!!!!! SO AWFUL!!!!
BUT…. I didn’t pick! It was sooooooooooooo hard! By far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I would  rather have taken a 500 question test than endure yesterday again.

I touched, I even did a few little tugs but somehow I never brought myself to pull out a full lash. I wrote “Do Not Pick” about a gazillion times. I gave myself pep talks. I talked to myself about my past and future self and wanting to be greater. I owe it to myself to have full beautiful lashes and brows and the only thing stopping me is Me! I’m grateful that I didn’t cave in. I’m sure there will be more days like this. I have won 1 battle in this huge war and I’m determined to win.

It’s an extremely emotional battle. Just typing this out brings tears to my eyes. I feel that the harder i try the weaker I get. I know it sounds weird but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll always be this strong. I mean technically I did touch the hairs, and I came so close numerous times to just yanking one out. I can’t lie…. it hurts so good!! Ugh, it just does!!

There is nothing else in the world that feels like picking. The feeling is amazing, let’s be honest. I know that picking gives my mind and body some type of reward and that’s why it’s so hard to stop. But I have to be bigger than my problem and think my way out of this. I will continue to be strong for myself. My present and future self deserves a better life WITHOUT Trichotillomania and I plan to go get it

I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!

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