Well I made it through another night pull free. It. Was. Hard, I cannot lie. I think what made it so hard is it have started a class and the person who has been sitting next to me is a skin picker I think. I’ve never seen anyone else do any picking of any kind so I was in complete shock. She really could not stop and I understood the feeling. Unfortunately it made my urges come but I fought those suckers so hard
When it almost got to be too much to bear, I distracted myself by blogging, using the restroom, and also imagine how it would look tomorrow. Being 6 weeks pull free, I have a lot of my lashes back. So I knew how obvious it would look if I pulled even a few of them. I will continue to stay strong and focus on my goals. And continue to declare:
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!
I think my brain knows when I hit a milestone. A lash on my right eye is KILLING ME right now. Pure torture. Today marks 6 weeks and the past hour has been filled with temptation. So I’m blogging to encourage myself to stay strong. I’m going to call the lash that’s bothering right now ‘Leroy’. My right eye is my true weakness. Once I start it is absolutely uncontrollable and I will keep pulling until I am completely bare
That image is what has helped me to just not even start. You know when you first pull, it’s extra noticeable. The spot is red and just stands out like a sore thumb. Ugh I just do not want to walk around like that anymore. I’m so sick of it. Still tempted but sick of it nonetheless. So… I will be strong. I will leave little Leroy alone so that he can survive to see another day
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!
I’ve never really met another picker in person. But today I sat next to someone that I think is a skin picker. I must say it was pretty unsightly to witness. I knew I had no right to feel negatively about it but it certainly put things into perspective about how I am harming myself when I pull my lashes or brows. It’s annoying and kind of gross and I just hope that I can maintain these feelings the next time I have an urge. Tomorrow will be 6 weeks pull free and I feel extremely proud of myself and very strong. At first I actually felt weak the more I fought but my strength and pride has been renewed
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!
So this week my hubby has been out of town. Like every other Trichsters, I usually keep my brows filled and eyeliner on. But this week I have walked around with a completely bare face. I have only been pull free for 5 weeks so no miraculous hair growth has occurred of course. It was good for me to look myself in the face for days at a time and realize what I’ve been doing to myself. It will take sometime to completely heal and grow the hair back on my brows and lashes and I accept that. My birthday is coming up in July and if I could have enough hair to get my eyebrows arched for the first time, that would be so awesome. It is something I have always wanted to do but never have the opportunity. Now I can make my makeup flawless and look like I just got them done. It’s so awkward when I even get compliments in them and people ask me where I get them done. But I’m ready for the real thing. I am certainly praying for my hair growth
Whoever said it takes 14 days to break a habit needs to do a clinical trial. This weekend was extreeeeemely hard for me. My urges were just all over the place. I touched and I touched but I am so grateful that I did not tug. I actually fought through my urges and I am actually super surprised!! And even more grateful. Man. There is truly no secret at all. Just don’t do it is the only ugly answer. For me the only thing that has helped is blogging. Knowing that other trichsters read my posts give me a rare strength that I’ve never had. The disappointment that I would feel writing a post that I had gotten weak is just not something that I want to do so… I don’t! But I’m not going to act like it’s not the purest form of torture. This is the first post that I’ve written with tears coming down my face. I hate how hard that this is. I hate how complicated it is. I hate how weak I feel. I hate how I’ve allowed this to take over my life for so long. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how it makes me look. I hate how embarrassing it is. I hate that I feel like it’s so much stronger than me. I hate how many tears it’s caused me to shed over the years. So much guilt, agony, time wasted, cover up techniques have been wasted on this and I absolutely hate it. This is why I’m trying to take control over my life and truly get control over my body. I do this to Myself. This is my issue and my issue only to defeat and I am determined
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!
So good news, bad news, and more good news
Good news: I made 4 weeks Pull Free!!!
Bad news: Peter came back
Good news: I resisted and he is still alive (OK maybe that’s mixed news)
Peter is a lash that I named in an effort to not pick him even though he bothered me VERY much. I resisted the urge, forgot about him, but yesterday realized that he was still a sore spot. Yes the very exact lash. Ugh!!!
I definitely definitely definitely almost gave in a pulled him for relief, but instead I just kept repeating “Impulse Control” in my head. Impulse Control Impulse Control. Be strong! Think about how proud you will be tomorrow!!
It was hard as heck but it was worth the pat on my back that I can give myself today
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!
Looking back at my old blog posts, I went 5 months partially pull free. I say partially because though my lashes grew back in full and long, I would still pull here and there. I almost did it last night but my desire to go 4 weeks pull free is what kept me strong. I am only 2 days shy of 4 weeks and I just couldn’t bear starting my countdown all over again
What I will do differently this time vs last time is truly hold myself accountable. My problem areas are my brows and lashes. In the past if I only picked 1 or a very few hairs, I’d still give myself credit for being great. But this time, the very 1st time I pick a lash or brow, I’m starting my count all over. Hopefully that will motivate me as my number of days continue to grow. I’m very proud of myself but I know this is only the beginning. There are 52 weeks in a year and I’m only almost to 4 so I have quite the journey ahead of me… but that’s not!
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!
3 Weeks Pull Free!!!… That is all. I think I will treat myself when I reach 4 full weeks… with ice cream! 😊😋
I see so many theories on Trichotillomania and I’m honestly not sure what to believe it is. I personally have always thought it was an auto immune disease. I thought of this one day when someone asked me “If you don’t want to do it and no one is making you do it and no one is doing it to you…. then what makes you do it?” Lmbo! The question was hilarious to me because it really does sound silly to complain about picking your own eye lashes out of your own face. But heck, Idk! The obvious answer is Myself makes myself do it, so I guess it’s me attacking myself… which makes it an auto immune disease! Sure let’s go with that. Lol
The problem with that is it made me super lazy and accepting of the condition and I completely lost control because I was too focused on giving myself an excuse. Well whatever it is, it’s got to go
I always see people talk about their triggers but I honestly can’t single put any of mine. Some mornings I will wash my face and when I was my eyes I’ll feel a sore lash and that starts it. Sometimes 1 lash is curled downward incorrectly and that’ll start it. Sometimes, when I haven’t done it in a while, I’ll just touch my eye to see if I have any sore spots that need to be picked because I miss the feeling. It’s a very strange addiction I must say. The belief is that you can break any habit in 14 days. Pfft. If you are a picker you know that saying can be laughed at. Lol!
But whether it is a bad habit, an addiction, OCD, Auto immune, whatever you’d like to call it, I’m done with it. Good bye, Trich!
I AM NOT A PICKER ANYMORE!!!!!!